This world is a scary place. Especially when you have children to raise, the world instantly becomes the most terrifying place; to the point, living in a bubble sounds almost appealing.
Now y’all, its important to understand the news and social media can exaggerate people’s fears of that reality. So I have learned to take the information, via those sources, with a grain of salt and filter them as best as possible. But nonetheless, you don’t need to watch the World News to know the world can be a very big, scary place.
In the past few weeks the we have been moving back into “normal as we now know it” but now our world is filled with a different type of “normal.”
In addition to this unfamiliar territory and necessary adjustments, we recently have been dealing with other unrest in our country such as the senseless murder of George Floyd caught on camera. This event heightened emotions surrounding racial injustice and police brutality and triggered protests across the nation.
Nashville was one of the many cities where protests occurred. The streets were filled with protesters of various races; most of whom were there to peacefully exercise their freedom of speech by standing up against racism and other injustices in our country’s “system.” I stand behind fighting for racial justice with nonviolent protests. I believe they can make a statement and bring awareness to a cause.
Nonetheless, watching Nashville streets full of chaos and police in riot gear was disheartening for me. My heart hurt for the pain on both sides. Nashville is my home and Nashvillans are my people.
Luckily, Nashville kept their protests peacefully under control for the most part. However, some local restaurants or businesses, some who have already been hit hard by COVID-19 quarantine as well as the devastating tornado that swept through Nashville weeks before the global pandemic, experienced various degrees of vandalism.
I’m not gonna lie, I cried. I cried for the heartbreaking subject matter these protests centered around. I cried knowing the black community has felt this pain for decades and so many of us have been blinded to white privilege.
I truly had to center myself. I had to ask myself what I was doing to help the fight and what I was doing to hurt the fight. I realized I needed to properly educate myself as well as my children on racism in our current culture. I feel my duty as a mother is to raise my children to be compassionate and to sincerely love and treat all humans as they want to be treated. To show them how being racist is being full of hate; and that to be full of hate is a destructive and leads to a miserable life, hurting others as well as yourself. I want them to not only not take part in racism but to be raised as anti-racists and have a voice that stands up for any human injustice.
Those discussions are more emotionally draining than I anticipated and a story for another blog post. But I mention it now, because its something constantly on my heart, as of late, and I’ve had to actively discuss with my children to help them try to understand these very adult issues. 2020 has been a lot of emotional rollercoaster for most people, children included; but children simply don’t have the capacity to fully understand the layers of complexity with these mature topics.
Doesn’t matter how proficient we are in communication, when issues are hard to wrap our own minds around, explaining them to little innocent innocent minds can be a dreaded conversation. We’ve been hit SO hard in Nashville, it’s sadly been one heartbreak after another. First the tornado that ripped through our city then Covid. But you see, I could scientifically explain to my kids natural disasters, like the tornado that tore through Nashville. I could show them how to help. How to serve those in need by volunteering with the clean up efforts or giving donations to support our Nashville neighbors affected by the tornado. I brought Keatyn to a tornado drive I hosted and had her help in creating the bags to hand out to the kids affected by the tornadoes. I could let them experience firsthand how “together” we can overcome obstacles and be #NashvilleStrong.
I was able to let my actions speak louder than my words. But just as abruptly as the tornado swept through Nashville, the COVID-19 global pandemic shut down the city and any further tornado relief efforts “together”. No more volunteering. It was isolation and quarantine. New normals and phased transitions. More uncertainties and unanswered questions. Things, even as a parent with “all the answers”, I wasn’t prepared to explain to my kids.
Coping Skills For Kids
When we say “we are in global pandemic together”, that includes kids. Kids who depend on structure for healthy development; and now their routines and schedules no longer exist.
As parents, we try to shield our kids from the harsher, more “adult” realities of the world. Most would agree, children should be allowed to live in their innocence for as long as possible. To simply enjoy just being a kid. Why? Because “adulting” sucks.
However, we don’t want the “real world” to leave them shell shocked. In my mind, there is definitely a fine line between sheltering them too much and exposing them to conflict (in hopes we are able to teach them healthy coping mechanisms when faced with hardships in life).
In terms of something like this unprecedented global pandemic, kids, parents and parents of parents are blindly navigating this global public health crisis for the first time together. This uncharted and deadly virus causes fear and anxiety to creep into the minds of people from all stages of life. It challenges the most stable adults’ mental, physical and emotional well-being, which in turn affects kids.
Kids can sense unrest in parents. They look to their parents to provide stability and safety. But what happens when something like the COVID-19 pandemic seems too overwhelming for adults to comprehend? Imagine how much more profoundly this pandemic can affect our kids’ ever-so-malleable, emotionally fragile and immature brains?
How am I suppose to teach my girls social skills or how to be empathetic, compassionate humans when I’m sending them to school where everyone will be required to wear a face mask? Facial expressions, like a smile, will be hidden. I get the necessity, but it’s beyond bizarre to explain to a child. This book is a wonderful tool for teaching your children about masks.
Their educational experience could be drastically different: no field trips, no sitting next to friends in class or within 6ft of a human for that matter, lunch at their desk, partitions between the desks, etc. Essentially, their learning environment in the “new normal” may no longer be interactive and hands-on but rather feel more like a prison: cold and not personable.
For schools to reopen and hold classes, the CDC created COVID-19 recommended guidelines, which include strict procedures to ensure extremely sterile environments. But I question whether these post-COVID-19 learning environments do more harm by instilling fear in our kids? Fear of germs, physical touch and physical proximity. Fear of the unknown. Fear of others. All fears that manifest in acts of selfishness and hatred of things we don’t understand (which I watch play out during the protests on TV last night). Here In Nashville, we might not even be in classrooms. Regardless our kids’ educational environments will not be the same as when they abruptly ended classes in March.
We desire for our children to be resilient but not to the point of scaring or hardening them. So where is the line?
My point being. I’m a parent and I don’t have the “right” answers to life’s tough questions. But I know I am not alone. As parents, we are in this together. We are in this scary world together. Not alone, regardless of how it feels at times.
It is not our job to have all the “right” answers or make all the “right” decisions. It is our job to listen and be attentive to our children’s needs and overall health. Our job is to unconditionally love, guide and protect our kids to the best of our abilities; not to be perfect at our duties as parents.
Keep the communication flowing with your kids so you truly are a resource of not only knowledge but also their safe place. I suggest just to be honest with your children. Be approachable and willing to actively listen to what they say. Educate yourself when you don’t understand. Have those honest, but tough conversations with them. Allow them to feel safe and valued sharing their thoughts or emotions.
We all will get through these unsettling times. Our kids will be ok. We will be ok. Its ok not to be ok. Just don’t do it alone.
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Do you have any extra advice on how to foster coping skills for kids? Let me know in a comment below!